


A Final Goodbye

by KazOfScotland



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Canon, Remus Lupin Raises Harry Potter, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:48:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: It's been three years to the day since Lily and James were murdered by Lord Voldemort, and in the emotional turmoil of that day Remus and Sirius have to face something far worse. The final goodbye to their relationship, their final goodbye to each other.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 25





	A Final Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Tumblr Wolfstar Hurt Fest, for the prompt: Wolfstar gets a divorce. Not infidelity
> 
> Thank you 06DK for beta reading this.

This was a situation that Remus Lupin never expected to be in. He had fallen head over heels, deeply in love during his time at Hogwarts, and it had been great. Until now.

The werewolf pulled back a shuddering breath before he decided it was time to face the day. He didn’t want to, but he had responsibilities that he had to ensure were fulfilled. It had been just over thirteen years since that first day that he met Sirius Black, the man who he would fall in love with and eventually marry. But it had been three years since he had last seen his husband, his best friend, the only one who was still alive. 

He hated Sirius, he did with every fibre of his being, but he wasn’t ready for today to happen either. It had been a little over five years since the day they had gotten married, but today was the day it would come to an end. His husband, the man who he hated but he still loved, was going to spend the rest of his life in Azkaban, serving a life sentence as a traitor and a mass murderer. 

He could feel his heart breaking at the idea. For so long Sirius had been his rock and their relationship had been what he needed to maintain his grasp on reality when he struggled to come back in the aftermath of a full moon. But Sirius had been insisting for months that he wanted their relationship to be over and done with, and today, today which was the anniversary of the worst thing that Sirius could have ever done. 

Their marriage would end on the third anniversary of Lily and James Potter’s deaths. So his heart was breaking for two reasons, the first being the end of his marriage, the one thing that he thought would never end, and the second was the fact that he had to try and keep a brave face for the young boy he was raising whilst he struggled wondering where his parents were. He loved Harry, and he would never want him to be somewhere that he was unloved, but this was always a hard day. 

It felt as though Sirius was turning the knife of betrayal that had been stabbed into his back three years earlier but doing it on their anniversary. It was a day where he just wanted to focus on James and Lily, and Harry. He wanted it to be about them. Not about the traitor who had taken his best friends from them all. 

Sirius hates himself, but he didn’t know how much longer he could last in Azkaban. He could feel his soul diminishing but the day, and he wanted Remus to be free of him when that happened. He didn’t know what would happen then, if he would just go insane or if it would be worse. During his time at Hogwarts there had been times where he thought death would be his only escape but James, his best friend, and Remus, the man he loved like no other, had drawn him back from the place. 

He hated that he had been in such a dark place then, but whilst Remus had been one of the ones who had pulled back from near certain death at his own hand, he could remember what he had done to Remus. He had pulled Remus into his darkness whilst the werewolf had been struggling on his own. He couldn’t do that again. He couldn’t let his own darkness infect the man who he loved, he knew that the man had enough to deal with now without his added baggage. 

He had been relieved to hear that Remus had taken in Harry to raise him rather than forcing the youngster to live with Lily’s muggle sister, and her husband, both of whom hated anything to do with the magical world. He was glad that Harry would never have to deal with being called a freak. But that wasn’t enough to bring any form of light to his life now that he was trapped in Azkaban. 

He wanted his suffering to end. He wanted it to be over with now. But he couldn’t cause Remus the pain of being abandoned by him through suicide. He knew that for this one, he needed to know that Remus was free of him before he made any decisions. Today was his chance to say goodbye, in order for the divorce to go through he had to physically see Remus, which meant that his husband, the man who he loved more than anything else, would have to come to Azkaban. He would say goodbye, make sure that the man left with the two letters that he had written for him and Harry. 

Even if he made the decision to end his life, he knew that there would be no unfinished business between him and Remus. The only thing that would be left, would be Remus actually believing that he was innocent. If he knew that Remus believed him then maybe, maybe it wouldn’t be so easy for him to consider what the world would be like when he was gone. 

Remus checked the way he was dressed, and then he made his way to pick up Harry from where he was playing on the floor. He didn’t want to be parted from the child he was raising as his own but somehow during the course of the morning he had managed to convince himself that he wanted this to be over with. That he wanted to be free from the shackle that was keeping him trapped in Sirius’ circle, that was keeping him in the past and unable to make the best life for Harry. 

“Come on Kiddo, I need to drop you off with Molly for a little while,” Remus mumbled as he swung the three year old up and onto his hip. He refused to let the young boy know what was really going on, there was already an air of sadness in the air without adding in the hauntedness of Sirius and what he had done. He knew that one day he would have to tell Harry exactly who Sirius was and the role that he held in their lives. But he wanted Harry to be fully grown by that point, now he was too young to even know that his guardian was upset, whilst he may pick up on that fact, Remus refused to allow his emotions to affect the young child. 

“M’kay, Moony,” Harry agreed as he curled into Remus’ side. He knew when Remus picked him up like that and they were going to see Molly that it meant they were doing to disapparate, even if he didn’t know what it meant, and that he would feel sick at the other end. As he held him up, Remus could feel Harry sagging against him and fighting back a yawn. 

“Sleep, little one, you can play at the Burrow when you wake up,” his voice rumbled in his chest as he held the youngster tight, he had discovered within a month or so of having Harry in his custody that he feel asleep easier if when he could feel Remus talking or better yet singing. “And then, tonight I will be there to see you tonight after you’ve had a great day playing with the Weasley’s, but first, you need to sleep.” He continued to explain to the three year old, he had been told before that he needed to think of Harry’s age when he spoke to him, but he refused to change the way he was raising the youngster for anyone. 

He could feel Harry’s head lulling against his shoulder, and as such as he double checked that he had everything for Harry, and for his trip to Azkaban after he had dropped off the three year old, he started to recite the story of Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump from memory. He knew that he missed parts, he always did unless he had the book, but it worked. Once he was ready to apparate to the Burrow he could hear and feel Harry’s gentle snores from where his head rested against his shoulder.

Azkaban felt colder and darker than normal. Sirius was used to the coldness and the darkness of Azkaban but it felt as though everything that gave him a single piece of happiness was being pulled away from him. He knew why, he knew it was the heartbreak at losing Remus, and therefore Harry, who was his only connection to James and Lily, for once and for all. That was what he had been holding on to, that was what had kept him from succumbing to the horrors of Azkaban so far. 

He had spent all day counting down the minutes until he would see Remus for the final time. He knew that it was rare for someone to be allowed to visit Azkaban, especially without being a member of the ministry. He hadn’t seen Remus since the night that James and Lily had died, the night he had taken Harry and begged his husband to keep him, but honestly he was worried about having to face him again. He was thankful that he would have the chance to see him for the final time, but as the time grew nearer, so did the darkness and coldness that had been enveloping him all day. 

What really worried him was if he would even manage to talk to Remus when he saw him. Would it be because of the emotions he would no doubt be flooded with as soon as he saw him, or would it be because he couldn’t face him with what he was planning to do after the divorce was confirmed? That was a question that Sirius couldn’t answer, he just knew that it was tough and terrifying. But he was not going to let that stop him from putting an end to everything. The more he thought about it, the more his level of relief and dread grew in equal proportions. 

Remus had to admit that there was very little that scared him, he was a werewolf, he had lived through the wizarding war, and survived. The only thing that really scared him, was the idea of failing James and Lily by failing Harry. He had begged Lily not to place the responsibility for Harry upon his shoulders, he knew what he could be like during a full moon and the aftermath, and that was something he never wanted Harry to witness. However, he couldn’t have turned his back on the young child, so he had faced that fear. But now, his fear had only multiplied as he entered Azkaban prison. 

He had heard the rumours of what it was like. He had spoken to people he was friends with who worked as Auror’s, but it was far worse than he expected. He had expected it to be cold and depressing, but this was on a higher level than he had thought it would be. He was not surprised that most wizards would try and fight to the death or through their friends to the lion's den in order to avoid having to suffer through this. He was only a guest, he was getting to leave after only a very short time, but it felt as though his life was ending, as if everything that was good about his life was over and would never be retrieved. 

He wasn’t surprised that Sirius had remained adamant that he hadn’t committed the atrocious crime that he had been accused of. But he still couldn’t understand how Sirius could betray his friends and still claim to care for Harry and him. He wanted an answer, he wanted to know why before he laid their relationship, the one that had started during their time at Hogwarts, to rest once and for all. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that part of his life to be over, but he also knew that he would never be able to welcome Sirius back into his life the way that they had been before. 

Sirius had been and always would be the love of his life, the person who had brought light into his darkness, but he also owed a lot to both James and Lily. Especially Lily, she had stood by him regardless of the danger that he had presented, and she never let him fall down the rabbit hole of hating himself too deeply, so that meant that when he was asked to be Harry’s godfather, he had agreed on the condition that it was him and Sirius, he never wanted Harry to witness the suffering that was caused when he turned on a full moon. He knew it was being in Azkaban that was causing all of these dark thoughts to flood his mind, and he was willing to admit that it made him pity Sirius and the suffering he would endure. 

It filled him with the desire to grab Sirius and run, but then Harry would appear in his thoughts, and he would know without a shadow of a doubt that he had to put the young boy first. Harry never had to know about Sirius and the role he should have played in Harry’s life, nor did Harry need to know about the role Sirius had played in the death of Harry’s parents. He would do everything he could to shield the young child who he had been left to raise, alone, from the horrors of the night three years earlier.

Sirius knew that it was time as soon as the Dementor and the ministry official appeared at his cell. He knew that within the next ten minutes he would be setting his eyes on the love of his life, and he couldn't wait for that. He willingly held out his hands for them to be shackled, and he didn’t even flinch when they shackled his ankles. In any other circumstance he would have complained, or turned it into some type of innuendo. 

He hated walking through the halls of Azkaban, the floors were freezing, and the inmates in the other cells made him nervous. He knew that Azkaban did horrible things to people, and he knew that in the time since he had been incarcerated there, he had changed. He had been a joker, he had been the person who would do anything for a joke before he went to Azkaban, but now it was although he had just drowned in the darkness, but it only got darker the longer that he was there and the more time he had to spend near the other inmates. 

He knew however that the further away he got from his cell the closer he was to the shining light of his life. He couldn’t wait to see Remus, but he also knew that it wouldn’t be anything like how he had dreamt of it being. Remus wouldn’t hug him, he wouldn’t make the world shine brightly again, he wouldn’t be going home. If this were to go like his dreams then they would be walking along diagon alley with Harry on their way to get ice cream. And that dream was all that had kept him afloat. 

He kept that dream at the front of his mind as he walked through the halls of Azkaban, he kept there right until he stopped alongside the Ministry Official in front of the door to the secure room where he would get to see the love of his life. This was his chance to see Remus for the last time and put an end to his only light in this darkness. This had been his idea. He had fought with Remus for the three years that he had been in Azkaban, and finally his husband and the ministry were granting him his last wish. 

The door swung open, and there stood Remus, dressed smartly in a suit but missing the bright smile that was normally there. Normally there would be a smile that would meet his eyes, and bring a silence and light to the voices and darkness that normally haunted Sirius. Sirius would never be able to deny it, but his world stood still as he looked at the man who had been his everything for so many years. But at the same moment as his world stood still, he saw the anger and hatred flood through Remus’ eyes, and in that moment his heart broke. It shattered him into a million pieces, and then those pieces were shattered even further. 

“Remus…” His voice was barely above a whisper, it was gruff but also watery, it was clear that he was fighting back the tears that wanted to escape. But he couldn’t let himself break, he couldn’t, because he had to give Remus the closure that he deserved. 

Remus couldn’t believe the sight in front of him, the last time he had seen Sirius, his husband, had been the night that James and Lily had died, and then the man had looked like his normal self, albeit very heartbroken. But he had handed Harry over to Remus, smiled at the small child, and promised that he would see them both in the morning. But by morning, the crime had already happened, and Sirius was on his way to Azkaban. He hadn’t gone to the trial, he couldn’t face the man who he was meant to spend his life with especially after the betrayal that had occurred. 

“Remus…” Sirius’ voice was nothing like it should have been, it was hollow, gruff and nothing like the mischievous tone it had previously held. It broke Remus but he knew that he had to pull up the mask that he had built over the last three years that Sirius had been in the prison. And that was exactly what he did, he pulled all the anger and hatred that he could muster straight to the surface. 

He watched Sirius for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. The frailness of Sirius’ physique and the madness that was hiding behind his eyes. He didn’t know how long he could keep up his facade, how long he could pretend that he didn’t want the man in his arms. So he turned the ministry official, the one who would break their marriage once and for all. 

“Can we just get this over with please?” He knew that it was painful to break a marriage, but it had to be done, and he wanted it done right there and then. He wanted the bond broken, the potions drank, and the paper signed. He had to do it now, if he wanted much longer his heart would take control over his brain, and he wouldn't be able to. 

The ministry official nodded and then pointed over the table and two chairs that were sat inside the room that they were meeting in. This room was designed specifically for these ceremonies, the breaking of bonds and signing of papers. One side of the table was set to shackle the prisoner, and the other allowed the person to sit as close or as far away from their soon to be ex spouse as they desired. The ministry official had seen more than their fair share of relationships end, but it was always the ones that ended in this way that they hated the most. They hadn’t fallen out of love, it had been torn out of them instead. 

Remus, unsurprisingly, sat as far away from Sirius as he could, removed his jacket and placed it carefully on the back of the chair before presenting both arms to the Ministry Official. Sirius, however, was forced into the chair closest to the official and shackled to the table and chair, therefore restricting where and what he could move. 

And then it began. 

The Ministry Official’s eyes rolled back in their head, and a spell was being chanted. Both Sirius and Remus felt as though their souls were on fire and their bodies were being ripped limb from limb. Before long the only sounds that could be heard in the room was the chanting and the screams of agony from both men. 

That continued on and on and on. Until finally, the room went dark and still. They were unbonded, they just had a potion to drink to prevent them re-entering a marriage bond without ministry consent, which was something neither had to worry about as Sirius would never be released from Azkaban alive. 

The Ministry official took a moment before two potion flasks were placed in front of either man with a piece of paper and quill next to them. It was time to drink the potion, which unfortunately tasted more horrible than polyjuice potion. Both men had to fight so as not to gag, but they did it. And then with a quick, sharp intake of breath, Remus picked up the quill and signed the piece of paper. 

The room went cold and dry, and he felt the instant desire to leave. Which was exactly what he did. 

Meanwhile, Sirius had mirrored the actions of the werewolf, but he was not allowed to leave. Instead once the man he had loved had left, he collapsed to the ground, now unshackled from the table, and found the gift that had been left for him, a small vial of Draught of Living Death. A single drop was all he needed to allow him to be taken back to his cell, and for him to end his suffering on earth. If he was taken to his cell like that, in a deathlike sleep, it would not be long before his fellow prisoners took advantage and his life would end. 

So with a quick count from three, he drank the potion that had been left, and as he drifted off he accepted that this was his destiny, this was his final fate in life. Death in Azkaban Prison.

  
  



End file.
